Weeknotes 22
Flying high, sinking low
What I did
August was packed with long hours, new challenges and exciting opportunities.
- We announced an Industry-first partnership with Bumble, the online dating app, which will see us offer Bloom to their users who experience sexual assault. There was a tight turnaround for this as we were launching a survey for their Members so there were many long days from all members of the team. Special shout out to Zoe, Naomi, Beatriz, Kim, Nooreen, Dama and Hogan Lovells (our pro-bomo support for legal matters). Also special thanks to the exceptional team at Bumble who have been the best partners, and we could not have asked for a better company for Bloom’s first venture into this area.
- We hired a part-time Product Manager for Bloom. Her name is Nadine Krish Spencer and she brings a wealth of experience from the tech startup and mental health recovery world. Also she has really nice curly hair. She’s based in Spain.
- We hired a Communications Manager after the interview process took 20 hours! This deserves a whole blog post because I learned so much about myself and what to look out for when hiring for this kind of role. For now, meet Aiman Javed. Aiman had Fulbright scholarship for journalism, and has worked as a reporter, feature writer and editor for various publications. She’s based in Pakistan.
- I got accepted as an Affiliate (which means I haven’t met the criteria for a fellow yet but I was close enough that they will provide support to help me meet it) for the prestigious Ashoka fellowship. Ashoka’s board minutes describe their decision for accepting me because I ‘pioneered how to use the digital world to reach and help the victims of abuse and trauma, especially those who are hard to reach (including LGBT+ people, immigrants, etc.).’ When I was at university, I used to volunteer my time with MakeSense to organise design thinking brainstoems for Ashoka Fellows. Crazy to think where I am now 8 years later.
I’ve learned
Woah — this been a month of learning and unlearning.
- Doing the Communications Manager recruitement was really eye-opening. The quality of applications (though 10 people who said they would apply and didn’t — tell me why!) was astounding but no one had the perfect mix of skills, knowledge and experience we were looking for so we had to prioritise based on gaps in our capacity. This helped us create tests during the interview which helped us determine who could cope with the fast paced work at Chayn and also have the aptitude for attention to detail. Most candidates really struggled with our copy-editing tasks and that’s a big part of the role so it helped us make decision. More on this in a blog soon.
- Documentation. Checklists. Task reminders. I know how important they are and I’ve not had the time to implement all of these to the degree I want in Chayn. And it’s really showing us the gaps in our workflow. I really hope to have time to do this later this month and then dedicate a good chunk of October on it.
- I do not work well in grief (see next section). This month I failed monumentally. I didn’t induct a new staff member for 3 days until they reminded me. I didn’t get back to a job candidate for 3 weeks for the outcome of an interview even though they followed up twice. I didn’t sign documents. I missed deadlines. I broke down in meetings. It’s really healthy for me to work so I’m not thinking about my loss all the time but I’m really not productive at the moment. You’re probably waiting on me for something or have been frustrated with me. Thankfully, the Chayn team has been blessing. They’ve taken tasks over for me and jumped on co-working sessions to help me push through. I’m so proud and grateful for the culture of our community!
- We concluded our Learning Circle on abolition. Read Ruth’s reflections on it here.
Challenges
This has been the longest, slowest and most painful month of my life. My beautiful fur baby, Sher Khan, passed away. It happened the night before the Bumble partnership news broke out which is why I wasn’t around when you were tagging me or congratulating me.
This loss has just broken me. I had been caring for His Royal Highness for 6 years, and he was the sweetest boy. Name of a lion, voice of a mouse.
Some years ago I heard a Korean proverb and it struck deep in my soul because I knew I would feel the weight of its words very soon. It says, “When a parent dies, they are buried in the ground. When a child dies, they are buried in the parent’s heart.”
My son was so brave. He had a heart of gold, curiousity of an explorer and eyes that reflect the depth of oceans. At 4 years of age, he was diagnosed with small-cell lymphoma — a rarity for a cat so young. The vet didn’t know how long he would live but there was a chance he would die later that year (he survived for another 2 years). When we found out, it was like we had lost everything. Our spirits was shattered. We cried and cried until we could cry no more. We braced ourselves for a day this might happen.
We found out last July and I’ve been in long-term grief and pain since then. He’s a tiny warrior. May he always chase butterflies (without eating them!) and eat all the cheese he wants in the Good Place. He’s probably the Minister for Animal Rights in Heaven by now.
I’ve been barely holding it together because I loved him so much and it’s hard to believe I will never seen him again. Compounded in this grief is the invisability of it to many people around me. When Sher Khan died, my brother, childhood best friend, and parents didn’t even call. They sent a message you would send to a stranger: Sorry to hear about it. None of them have pets or understand the bond so it wasn’t surprising if I think about it but I was so hurt that my pain didn’t matter. I was lucky my friends and cousin recognised the enormous grief my husband and I were experiencing. My friend Dina came right away to be with me in the hardest week of my life. Dori, Sher Khan’s sister, was inconsolable. I’ve never seen a cat grieve and it was heartwrenching to see her refuse food, water and cry looking for her brother. I was so distraught that I was unable to care for my puppy and had to request her breeder to take her for a week.
Since then, I’ve been working through streams of tears. I took a week off to grieve and then slowly got back to work. The Chayn team have been unbelievably supportive from sending gifts to taking on my work, listening to me cry and repeatedly miss or mess up tasks.
I’ve not been myself and I don’t know till when I’ll be like this. It does affect my work which is also why I’m sharing it here. You’ve probably been waiting for an email from me. You might have heard me say I have a migraine. Or that I’m late sending something — again. I’m sorry. I want to get better and I will but for now, I need your forgiveness and compassion.
Something else
My heart has been so heavy this month but there have been things I’ve relished: the company of family and friends, re-runs of Friends, and walks without a destination.
I also had the first experience of having a photoshoot via Zoom for a camapign that will be launching soon. My cousin was staying with me so she took directions from a photographer and we took lots of pictures in the house. It was such a fun experience. This one with Dori is one of my favourite!
