Weeknotes 43

Baby Chayner’s first conference and work trip

It’s been a busy month for me but also for my 7 month old so this whole blog is going to be about him. Why?

Because you’ve told me that you want to keep hearing about how I’m finding mothering as a CEO, and that it’s inspiring you as a parent or parent-to-be. I say parent but 90% of the engagement I’ve had on this topic has been from women. The past three weeks I’ve posted a lot on social media about how I’m doing my job alongside caring for my son.

Though I don’t want to create content out of my son, I think these “firsts” are useful to reflect on. I was going to do a social media post but then once I started writing, it felt like it needed a full post.

What I did

Ashoka’s Tech x Humanity Summit in Bilbao, Spain

I’m an Ashoka Fellow. Hosted by Ashoka and the BBK, the Tech for Humanity Summit brought together 100ish people in the city of Bilbao, to discuss the future of humanity and technology.

The Summit started with an opening ceremony at the Guggenheim Museum Bilbao and then continued for two days with the focus on the technological architecture we need to build to reimagine democracy and social cohesion, sustainability, responsible AI, and public digital infrastructures.

I was invited to participate in the Summit and also speak on a panel about AI. Out of the 4000 Ashoka Fellows worldwide, about 110 work on tech and 30 of us were present in Bilbao. My husband used his holiday allowance to accompany me alongside baby Ardeshir so that he can help by looking after him. Ardeshir is exclusively breastfed and doesn’t take the bottle so though my husband was there, I knew I would still need to be around him most of the time. I had no idea how the conference was going to go so instead of worrying about it, I decided I’ll just take it as it comes.

During the opening ceremony at the Guggenheim (stunning architecture), they had a few fellows speak or showed their organisation’s promotional videos and also gave a shout-out to a few. I was chosen for the shout out so I stood up to a round of applause with a sleeping baby in my arms. He was fast asleep for most of the ceremony and only woke up towards the end and got to groove to an AI-generated song that was played at the end.

I spoke at the first day of the Summit on the second panel. My husband and baby were on the ground floor of the building where the conference was, and most of the event was happening on the top 3 floors. I made sure to feed Ardeshir before heading up for my panel. Breastfeeding at a conference was also a whole new experience especially as my husband was a lot more fussed about which way I sat so no one saw me than I was. But we did it.

The panel was great but as soon as it ended, I checked my phone to see how the baby was doing. He was crying so I ran down to feed him again and give my husband a break. After 20ish minutes, I headed back up to attend the next panel.

Over the two days, I had to step in and out of so many sessions because I would get a message from my husband that Ardeshir was crying or needed a break. When he was awake, I would pop in to see or feed him every 40 mins.

By the end of the day, we were knocked out. I’ve almost never missed an evening event at a conference but the first day of the conference had me exhausted and Ardeshir was over-stimulated and screeching so both of us crashed as soon as we got to the hotel and then woke up hours later.

He also attended a few panels and workshops but only for an hour maximum because after that he would get overstimulated. In the time he was there, he was doted on by everyone and got lots of love and laughter!

My husband was nervous about how having a baby might affect my work and how people saw me professionally at the conference and I told him that if new mothers aren’t supported by their communities then what does it say about human rights spaces? Maybe it’s the fact that I work in a feminist sector but I’ve not for a second thought that taking a baby to a work event or meeting is improper. Yes, if the baby was distracting and disrupting the event by crying and screeching — I would totally understand. Since Ardeshir wasn’t doing that and when he was doing it, we would listen to him and take him to a quiet space to feed and sleep. Or once, back to the hotel for some sensory deprivation (conferences are loud and busy — lots for a baby to take in).

And everyone at the conference said it was a beautiful image of feminism at work! Thank you Ashoka for creating such a great community and environment in which I felt comfortable and welcomed with a baby.

A few days in London

I was in London from Sunday to Wednesday for work and like always, decided to stay with family and friends to make the most out of my “not at work” time. I have frequent work trips to London but this was my first one with the baby. It was a lot of firsts for the baby: train, tube, back to back in-person meetings. My husband was supposed to join me but his plan changed so it ended up being me, a backpack, travel buggy and lots of endurance!

I was posting about it on Instagram and was getting a lot of women liking and responding. So I indulged but also thought it was useful to respond to sweet comments calling me a “supermom”.

I’m posting what I wrote (typos fixed because now I’m not exhausted) in the post you see below in the middle, which I did after the end of the first day of meetings:

Everyone messaging me about being a supermom — let me break this image of myself right away. I am exhausted beyond words right now I was mostly high energy during the day but by 9pm I wanted to melt into the ground. So much physical and emotional exhaustion. I have a longer day tomorrow which I am excited about but also very tired just thinking about it. Happy to spend this time with my little dude while working and meeting folks. He is learning how to interact with people from all backgrounds. People get some respite from hard topics and make a baby laugh. And I hope for many they see that a working mom can also look like this. And that CEOs can also be humans with tiny humans to look after!

Not perfect. Just trying to be good enough.

Trying to take each day at a time. Staying relaxed while mothering and working.

What I learned

• It takes a long time to leave the hotel room with a baby. I was late every single day. No matter how early I woke up, I waited until the last moment to wake Ardeshir up so he would be in a good mood and that meant, I was late. This is very unlike me! I usually am the first to arrive to any meeting and conference.
• Babies cry. I am not that embarassed about it and it doesn’t stress me out. I just walk out of the room I’m in and do whatever I need to soothe.
• Sensory overload is to babies just the same as it is to puppies. My dog has prepared me so well for the baby!
• Back to back meetings are exhausting but so much more with a baby!
• I’m very fortunate to have great peers and friends. When I was on some calls and a panel, my friend (also used to work and volunteer for Chayn) took care of Ardeshir. Other people helped me carry him around and entertain him to give my arms a break.
• I recently read on LinkedIn that less than 5% of charity CEOs are aged 34. I’m in that number so it’s a good reminder to have grace for myself.
• More of us need to be talking about our parenting journey and returning to work.

There’s so much more I can say but this blog is already too long.

Anything else

Every time I have felt like “this is so hard, I can’t do this” in general in life (not just about mothering), somehow I’ve found the strength and resilience to do it. Support from friends and family is a part of it but so is tapping into what feels core to my soul. In moments of weakness and vulnerability, I tap into memories of my elders and the happy moments I spent with them. That they also saw many hard times but they persevered. I have the light inside of me to get through tough times. And I draw much confidence and hope from this inner light.